One of the challenges I’ve had in life is with depression. Though I often think it’s not really my challenge, it’s simply the outcome of a stone age mind and body trying to live in a modern world. I know that most of my episodes have followed traumas. Death, divorce, and job loss. Those are the common triggers, and I’ve had them all.

Here’s the thing. I never gave myself a break. Instead I pushed on, until my body and mind said enough was enough. When what I needed was time to grieve and reset my mental map of the world, I instead tried to simply adapt and overcome. That said, I knew I needed a break. I knew I wasn’t quite ready to get on with my life. So why?

Why, knowing that something was wrong, would I simply push on? Because I have never felt like I could afford to. That’s the modern world for a worker bee like me.

If you need to take a break, you better have enough saved up. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way for most people. Even if you could eventually save up a year or two’s salary (because who knows when you’ll be back, if you can get your old job back, or if you can even find another job), trauma’s aren’t the most highly predictable of events.

I have to wonder if all of the craziness in the air isn’t due in some small measure to the same problem, but on a larger scale. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think I’m designed for an always on life that still has room for trauma.